What part of 'I agree' don't you understand?

For various reasons, Jan hadn't been to Sommieres' market for a while and fancied a chat (she doesn't get out much!). We headed, as usual, for Les Delices de Liban, after first buying gallettes from Elie's other venture across the square. Bryan and Peter were already ensconced, Bryan with a beer and unusually Peter had had a coffee, and we were shortly joined by Gill, Bryan's better half and Jan's painting partner. Anyway, the atmosphere at these get-togethers is always good with people buying rounds and sharing food. I can't mention buying rounds without acknowledging that Peter bought his share. Whilst I'm the first to have a go at him, I have to applaud this long overdue generosity. Thank you Peter. I, on the other hand, failed to buy anything, and I felt ashamed (for about 30 seconds - Ed.). The photos above reflect the bustle of the market and our get together, and in particular, one of Peter to mark the momentous occasion. From the top, 'Olivier's' a great deli, the motley crew drinking at Elie's with appropriate music (incidentally the accordionist drives a Merc), Elie, left, standing outside his resto/bar which was famously used as a set in the film Jeanne de Florette, my beautiful Jan and, my not so beautiful, Peter.

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So there we were having a pre-dinner drink when there came a knock at the door. At 19.00 on a Saturday night it had to be one of two people, who would need 'topping up' for the night. But no, it was Mr E and his son. Whilst Mr E and son are nice enough, they give the word 'anal' a bad name. Anyway, the son said to me, "have you instructed a geometre as I told you to?" Let me pause for a moment and give you some background before I wax lyrical about this little peanut. A year or two ago, Mr E senior came fussing about the position of our mutual fence, which was connected to a dispute he was having with the neighbouring owners on other sides. We share a boundary marker, a borne, with Mr E and he wants to establish where it is. We found it, but according to him, it wasn't where it was supposed to be. I said to him at the time that I couldn't give a shit and he could put it wherever he wanted. With the benefit of hindsight this was a very good tactic because he couldn't argue. Anyway, a month ago, E junior came to the fence and rambled on about something, and again I said to him that he could put the marker wherever he wanted and that would be fine by me. These anal peanuts are not used to people agreeing with them and so he went off chuntering about something.

Back to their visit tonight. E junior asked me what the geometre that I was supposed to have instructed said. At this point I lost my cool and told them both unequivocally that I couldn't give a shit where the borne was and if they wanted it marking officially then they should pay an expert. Hell would freeze over before I put my hand in my pocket. They were worried, but I wasn't. In the meantime they could decide where they wanted it and I would agree with that decision. I just couldn't get it into their thick heads that I didn't care and that I wasn't going to argue with them. E senior however began to see the light, albeit slowly, and we trudged out to search for the offending article. Needless to say, we couldn't now find it (I'll explain why on my deathbed) and we all agreed, after I had shouted some more common sense at them, that if they came back tomorrow with tape measures, we could triangulate the position with precise measurements and save having to pay an expert. E senior liked the tone of my suggestion because he was already in court with one of his neighbours and I suspected that he was paying more than enough in lawyers fees. Dealing with these people is like taking sweets off a baby. Part two tomorrow?

Scenes you seldom see

After showing Jan where everything was, and then showing her how to switch on the iron, I took this photo for posterity. I'll file it under 'scenes you seldom see.' Jan readily admits that she does not like ironing so she has found someone, in the village, who is superb. She is so good, that she irons better than my mother, and that's saying something. My mum used to iron creases in my underpants. It's no wonder that I walk funny!

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We needed a couple of things in Sommieres this morning and because we finished at about 12.00 we decided to eat at a new resto that we'd heard about. The Villa Heloise, 13 Place des Aires, is a tastefully restored house, on the N110, in the square on the outskirts of Sommieres. The three course menu du jour was 17 euros ish including a quarter of wine. We ate off the carte menu, both starting with a small salad, which was good and then Jan had gambas and I had a magret. We both enjoyed our food. It was warm and fairly sunny so we ate outside, far enough away from the road to be comfortable, but not far enough away from the noise when about 40 Hell's Angels went past on their bikes.

Shock news - prisoners are not very nice

This report concludes that Pentonville Prison in North London is 'vermin-ridden' and 'overrun with cockroaches'. What the hell do they expect, it's a prison for goodness sake?

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If you are from Yorkshire (I was raised there) or if you understand Yorkshire people or even if you're a southern poofter, you will find this funny. You will need your sound turned up.

Dolce far niente

Despite what the title suggests, we got the bikes out, late afternoon, and took the dogs for a walk at the same time. This is not an activity that I would recommend. The dogs were bemused and ran alongside, but a bit too close for comfort, but not as bemused as we were in trying to re-establish a relationship with two wheels. When we bought the bikes, one of the first things that I did was buy extra wide, gel filled saddles. As you can see, they needed to be an awful lot wider.

A marriage made in France

During tennis this morning William mentioned that he had also been invited to a mushroom hunt with Vincent yesterday. I told him that if I'd known that he was going I'd have gone too and proceeded to tell him why I refused. He thought that this was very funny and admitted that he couldn't understand Vincent either. Next time we will both go.

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Whilst we were both in Decathlon picking up our newly serviced bikes, James (my No 1 son) rang this afternoon to tell me that he was now engaged to Pauline (Powlina - the German pronunciation)) and that they planned to get married next year. He further asked if we minded if they got married in France with a reception at our place. This was very unexpected but we were both absolutely delighted. Call me old fashioned, but I do like to see the next generation getting married rather than just living together. Anyway, we've held big parties before and a wedding is no different (except there are more fights!) so it will be fun.

More ceps

Spot the design fault.

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Vincent D popped round this afternoon to invite me to go find mushrooms with him tomorrow. The trip involved leaving at 05.00 and returning at 17.00. In the normal course of events, I would go, but as I have great difficulty understanding anything he says, being with him for 12 hours would prove to be a challenge that I could pass on. Let me be clear, Vincent is a very lovely man but he talks with a local dialect and has usually had one or two (but more likely 7). When I'm with him I just nod and smile and hope that I haven't agreed to anything too outlandish. I have to ask him to repeat eveything at least twice. If I'm with him for an hour I get a headache. Anyway, they sell ceps for 16 euros a kilo in the local supermarket and I'd spend a lot more than that in petrol!

A new word to play with

Alison and Toby left today after a brunch which included Eggs Benedict (don't tell me, it's one of your favourites - Ed.). They're a great couple and we are sorry to see them go. As befits this unhappy event, it rained all day so I was forced to plonk myself in front of the television and watch the last day of the Ryder Cup. Didn't we do well?

***

During an interview today, Tony Blair used the word 'resile' (rizail), meaning to abandon a course of action or withdraw. Never having heard this word before and because I like new words, I decided to use it at least once in general conversation today. So I said to Jan, "I'm not going to resile from what I said before, about the hollandaise sauce on the Eggs Benedict not being runny enough," to which Jan replied, "and I'm not going to resile my decision not to cook dinner tonight. You can get it yourself." See what us wordsmiths have to go through!

Ceps and award winning rosé

This village never fails to surprise, with pleasant little encounters. Whilst we were visiting Alain yesterday in his studio, drinking an unusual Lambrusco, Vincent Ducros turned up with a basket of ceps that he had gathered that morning on Mont Aigoual. The artist in me (yes, piss artist - Ed.) just had to take a picture.

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A little later, I took Toby and Alison up to Domaine Costeplane because Vincent Coste had very kindly offered to give them a behind the scenes tour and explanation of his wine making facility. He makes our favourite rosé which he was proud to tell us had just been awarded two stars in next years Hachette Guide. It's good to know were not drinking rubbish!

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Tonight, we managed to get into our favourite local restaurant, Le Fourneau de Clelia. The last few times that we had tried to book they were full, so this was also a pleasant surprise.

Alain Jamis, artist

Our neighbour, and local artist, Alain Jamis invited us down to his studio this afternoon. He needed a high resolution photograph sending to a journalist for an article on a forthcoming exhibition. He knows that we can help with a digital camera and email. Alain has a very particular style. He explained that he uses techniques similar to early Italian painters. He fixes canvas to wooden board and makes his own paint from caseine, water, a little ammonia and paint pigment. This he applies in layers which he then sands down, creating an interesting background, until he is ready to paint the focal point. For the exhibition he was displaying, amongst others, a series of paintings of doors, one of which is displayed here. It's a style we really like.

Happy birthday Min

It's Minnie's first birthday today. She has developed into a warm, friendly and terrific companion (which is more than can be said for you - Ed.). We think that she is an absolute delight. Despite their different ages (Max is nearly two years older) she is nearly as big as him and gives a good as she gets when they play fight. We are so lucky with them both.

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Toby and Alison arrived this afternoon. As readers of this rubbish I'm going to have to be on my best behaviour, but not as much as Jan because, to quote my uncle, "they know how to eat." Toby's business supplies produce to all the best restaurants in and around London so they both know their way around a plate of food. Should be interesting.

One pedal, or two, with your bike sir?

This time it's Jan's turn for a medical check-up, so, first thing, we went into Nîmes to see the doctor. She gets the all clear, which was excellent news, and now she has no excuse when it come to cooking. Phew. (Give the poor woman a rest - Ed.)

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The next trip was to the bank to sign the back of a cheque. The bank called in a panic, the other day, to say that the cheque from the sale of the little house in the village was going to bounce. Now as this cheque is 'official', as in it comes from a tressorie account, this was a little surprising. Anyway it turns out that if you want to bank a cheque in France you have to sign it on the back before depositing it in your account. I was not aware of this and paid it in through a 'hole in the wall'. When it hit the tressorie they refused to honour it until it was signed. Yet another little stupid rule a la Francaise. Since then, I have asked lots of people including the bank, the reason for this rule and no one has provided a sensible explanation. In fact I doubt if there is one. But, stupid rule there is, and into the bank to sign it we went.
If you want another bit of stupidity, read on. We then went to Decathlon to pick up our recently serviced bikes. Mine looked nice and shiny and well oiled but with one glaring discrepancy, it was missing a pedal. Now, when I was a lad, a bike always went more quickly with two pedals, in fact it didn't go at all with only one pedal. It transpires that because I had delivered the bike with one pedal missing (it had broken off) they thought that maybe I had kept a pedal back (or something) and tried to give it to me with just the one. Duh!

***

Sick and tired of incompetence, we headed off to find a little restaurant that had been recommended to Jan. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny day so we sat outside at Simple Simon a pleasant little resto just off the main drag in the old part of Nîmes, at 11 rue Xavier Sigalon, Place des Esclafidous, 0466 67 55 61. It was good without being outstanding and we would definitely go back. What, however was outstanding, was a rosé from Mas d'Espanet, Freesia 2005. Go there for the wine alone!

Has Ikea lost it?

This morning I went to the optician for my annual contrôle. Jan has to accompany me because by the time the good doctor has finished, an hour and three quarters later, I am unable to open my eyes properly. One of the checks she does is dilate my pupils so that sunlight becomes unbearable and that makes driving impossible. Ah well, at least it is only once a year, and she is very thorough.

***

Out for lunch today with Bob and Lynne. We haven't seen them for ages so there was lots to catch up on. It's always good to see them. They brought Harry, one of their black labradors, and he Max and Minnie had a great time.

***

Not content with spending 12 euros each for lunch, Jan and I headed off to Ikea for a little retail therapy. Contrary to our usual behaviour we only filled half a trolley which is some kind of record. If I have a criticism, we didn't find the choice of goods up to their normal standard and in particular their glassware. We usually just replace glasses as they become dishwasher scarred but they had none of the ones we normally use and we were disappointed with what was offered. Hmnnnnnn, are they starting to show a weakness?

Turn off the fax and let me outa here

We had a power cut this morning that lasted long enough that the fax machine (yes, they still use the fax in France) had to reset. When it resets, it goes through a self-test which makes quite a bit of noise. Whilst this was happening I heard Max scrabbling at the door into the house. I went to look and found that he had opened the door and that both he and Min were sitting down in the hall waiting to be let out. This machine has spooked him before, so now I've unplugged it. We only ever use it when someone wants a signature, which isn't very often. What happened to the brave, fearless dog that we bought?

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William called in this morning because he wants to start tennis again. He has resigned as 'mayor of mayors' so now he has more time on his hands. Perfect timing as I have just decided to do a little more exercise. Battle commences Thursday.

The UN or the EU, which is worse?

Look, I'm not trying to take sides here, but today's Sunday Times was interesting and I particularly liked this piece from Rod Liddle, "The Pope should have been aware that Islam always reacts to western allegations that it is not a peaceful religion, by mass outbreaks of vituperation, denunciation and acts of jihadic violence. That this is a paradox seems not to be even remotely recognised by many Muslims....................a spokeswoman for the Pakistani foreign ministry....."Anyone who describes Islam as a religion as intolerant, encourages violence."

I could also mention violence in the name of Christianity throughout the ages, but that's another story.

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Jan continues to mend at a great pace but she still can't dig the garden. The vegetable patch needs clearing so I left it so that she can do it tomorrow. Apart from that she's doing fine.

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If there's one thing I dislike as much as the United Nations it's the EU. This outfit is another joke, filled by highly paid executives who churn out rubbish. Think about this:

1 Pythagoras' Theorem has 24 words.
2 The Lords Prayer has 66 words.
3 Archimedes Principle has 67 words.
4 The Ten Commandments have 179 words.
5 The Gettysburg Address has 286 words.
6 The new European Union rule on the sale of cabbages has 26,253 words.