So now you know

If, like me, you find some of the rules of rugby a tad baffling then this page may well help.

***

As a change from all the rugby jokes floating around at the moment, here's something different.

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously been married 10 times.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband to 'Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin'.

'What?' said the puzzled groom. 'How can that be if you've been married ten times?'

'Well, husband # 1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

'Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

'Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

'Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

'Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the art method.

'Husband # 6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

'Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

'Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

'Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

'Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was.......... God I miss him.
'But now that I've married you, I'm so excited'.

'Wonderful', said the husband, 'but why?

'It's easy', she said, 'You're with the government... and this time I know I'm gonna get screwed.'

Chez Dyna

During our recent trip we stayed in this lovely bed and breakfast about 20 minutes outside Carcassonne. We can't recommend it highly enough.

A touch of reality

And, just before you get too carried away with the intimate moments of a film....

Catching up

It's been a hectic, but very interesting few days mostly without Internet, so here goes.

On Monday we landed, earlier than scheduled, in Barcelona and braved the motorways (Ronda de Dalt) to make our way up to Girona (Catalan spelling), our stop for the night.

On Tuesday, I had a blind date. Not the sort of blind date that can get you into serious trouble (like I had in a previous life) but a date to meet a man that I had only ever communicated with over the Internet. I had earlier recognised Ray as the man who wrote and starred in a cult television programme called Operation Good Guys. A spoof, fly on the wall, documentary about a group of inept policemen. If you look at his bio here he has done much, much more. When he sent an invite to 'have a beer', how could I resist? We were passing near to him, on the way back from Barcelona, so a beer it was. Or, to be more precise it was wine. We started drinking with lunch at 13.00 and I finally gave up at 22.00 having lost the ability to form words correctly. It was a fascinating few hours talking about writing, producing, directing and acting in both television and films. He was great company, with lots of good stories, and he's even sent me a screenplay. He wants to do it again sometime, but next time I'll get into training first.

On Wednesday, after driving back from Carcassonne, we tidied up, picked up our 'very pleased to see us' dogs and climbed back into our own bed. In the previous 10 days we had slept in four different beds and, as usual, it was a pleasure to get back into our own.

Adios and gracias

Today it was our turn to leave. We headed back, via Barcelona, to stop for the night just outside Gerona.
Wow, wow, wow, I'm not usually lost for words but when we came to settle the bill this morning, there was absolutely nothing to pay. We were stunned, we were speechless. We have stayed, and eaten, in 5 star luxury for five days and nights and our host Luis (and my new best friend) picked up the tab. I was quite emotional and admit to a tear in my eye as I said to Jan, "We should have stayed for another week!"

England v France - Cry God for Jonny !

Thanks to Chris for this funny link.

Tat and more tat

Most of the wedding party left at lunch time and we were sorry to see them go. Neither Jan nor I speak Spanish (or Catalan for that matter), so fully joining in was a bit of a strain but we got by and had a great time.

We had been told about this 'great' market in nearby Teguise so off we went. I have to say that something didn't feel right for me but off we went. Hmnnn. What a load of tat. This little sign somehow summed it all up.

Not to worry, when we got back to the hotel, having found another recommended restaurant shut for the day, we headed for the 17th floor and their Altamar restaurant. The food, wine and views were excellent and made a fitting end to a lovely break.

Are you hungry yet?

Just in case we hadn't quite eaten enough over the last few days, we were kindly invited to lunch by the sea on the other side of the island. El Golfo is not a village you would ever just come across. It's at the end of a road with the next stop as Canada. More to the point it contains Paula's dads favourite fish restaurant, so El Golfo it was. Restaurante Bogavante sits right on the black sand beach, with the North Atlantic waves crashing at your feet. This is rustic open air dining at its best.

Apart from the starters, we went with the waiters recommendation. Have you ever eaten Piranha fish? These ugly little monsters tasted good. In fact they were a type of rock fish and their local name is 'little goats', because they live and hunt amongst the volcanic rocks in the sea. They were tasty but very ugly (which reminds me of a girl I used to out with - but that's another story)!

What a great day for English sport. In the afternoon the football team beat Estonia 3-0 and then, against all the odds, the rugby team beat France to get into the Rugby World cup Final. I went to bed a tired but happy bunny.

A Spanish wedding

A lunar landscape

Now I know what Neil Armstrong felt like. With a lunch to eat, we headed off to survey the lunar landscape. Actually Jan had identified a restaurant about 20 minutes away, in the Sea of Tranquility. We couldn’t find it. What we found was Restaurante La Bodega in Yaiza, (no, I don’t know how to pronounce it). We sat under the biggest Ficus you have ever seen. It was at least 25 metres side to side. It was a pleasant meal, somewhat spoilt by the police car pulling into the car park. I had my back to them but I had visions of the policemen counting the bottles on each table! I mentioned this to the waiter and he said ‘don’t worry they’re family’. So that was all right then! The bus that was going to take us to the church, miles away, was leaving at 17.30. We had a bus to catch.

80 million years with no sex

Listen guys, if this headline grabs your attention, you might be a bdelloid rotifer. It's probably best to stay shtum.

To keep you in the loop

The following pictures were taken at last nights cocktail party. They will help explain the 'Spanish Connection'. They will also help with your end of term exam! Here's a big clue. Paula is married to Ben, Jan's eldest.

The sisters. Andrea and Paula.

Paula and yours truly.

The happy couple. Andrea and Luis Miguel, who will get married tomorrow.

Paula and Ben, the even happier couple, and parents to be.

Now do you understand?

Keep up

I told you this on the 9th September. Up to the minute hard hitting news, even before it happens! See here.

Self control

Grief, the Spanish are noisy. And there I was thinking that the Italians had that honour. Watching the sunset last night from the 17th floor, amidst all the shouting and laughing, the wine flowed. A group of about 12 of us got stuck into the local stuff with the result that I emptied the minibar of anything vaguely thirst quenching at regular intervals through the night. If only I could learn to say, 'no', 'stop', 'I've had enough', or even remember to sink a pint of water before bed. Tonight's cocktail party will be a real test of my self control (I think we know the answer to that one, don't we? - Ed)

We didn't go far today, not that you have very far to go on this island. The scenery can best be described as lunar. The whole island, as far as I can see, is covered in volcanic ash and very little natural vegetation grows. The only things that grow have been planted and between and beyond those plants everything is a reddish brown, as far as the eye can see.

Lunch in nearby Costa Teguise consisted of peperoncinos de padrone and grilled dorade. Oh, and yes, a bottle of wine. Look I knew this wasn't going to be easy. Please help. We need encouragement and help, not sour looks and tutting.