What pills?

A psychiatrist is a person who asks you a lot of expensive questions that your wife asks for free.

***

I just love this time of the year. Under normal circumstances you should shed a bunch of weight, eating, salads, fruit et al, but the only trouble is that I drink a lot more. And I'm not talking about water here. Yesterday at about 14.00 I said to Jan, I fancy a drink tonight and she said hmnn, I might join you. I did and she did. My mummy was not amused but then she was the reason that we fancied the drink in the first place!

***

If you remember back to this incident, we'd been eating out on the kitchen terrace last night and on walking back to the kitchen this high pitched whistling noise started to irritate the hell out of me. It's just mum's way of not letting you forget her.

***

Over lunch today I said to Jan, "Darling, do you know where my pills are?"

She replied, "What pills?"

I said, very sarcastically, "You know, those pills that help keep me alive."

She said, "Oh those pills." And, with a pause for dramatic effect, "I've hidden them."