Leave me alone

There I was sitting quietly, minding my own business, when Jan came up to me and told me that she had been sorting my toiletries draw. Please note that she started on mine and didn't bother with hers. I groaned inwardly. This wasn't good news. Anyway, she told me that I had enough deodorant and shaving foam to last me for the rest of my life and she had no idea where she should store it all.

Look, I don't need much to keep me ticking over and I hate to run out of anything, so over the years, and certainly each time we drive back to the UK, I add to my supplies in case of a nuclear attack, or similar. She just doesn't understand. I need to be prepared.

Then, to add insult to injury she told me that she was confiscating various unopened bottles of perfume on the grounds that a: I never wash and b: I will never use it. This is one cruel and heartless woman. Everyone thinks she's St Jan of Cannes. To me she's more Cruella de Cannes.