Children's swings and similar equipment

Yesterday and today we mostly spend with No 1 granddaughter. She is delightful and a joy to be with, but then we are a bit biased!

A very good Thai meal tonight, then off we go to a pub quiz, where we came second and win the princely sum of £10 (that is £2 each). Not as profitable as drugs or prostitution but at least it is honestly achieved!

We will return to France tomorrow - and get back on air on Thursday, all being well.

London and Acorn Antiques

Up bright and early to see our No 1 granddaughter who, at 20 months, is a delight and who represents a major motivation for this trip.

Later that morning we take the train to London to meet my No 1 daughter and Jan's No 3 son. By now you will be getting the impression that there are quite a few kids around!

When I was lad, travelling on the tube was spent either reading or trying to catch a good looking woman's eye and always, in typical English fashion, in silence. Now it's different. I must have heard at least 10 different languages, many of them Slovak sounding and all at significant volume.

Talking of the tube, I'm reminded of this true story. In my early days in consumer finance, I worked with a bluff, gruff but very funny Yorkshireman. We were sitting together in the office and he was on the phone talking to our corporate lawyers from the then principal office on New Bond Street, London.

Lawyer - "We're easy to get to from where you are. Just go to the top of the road, take the tube, and two stops later you're there."

Yorkshireman - in pensive mood - "Nay lad, when I were 15, my dad tried to get me down t'pit, he didn't succeed, and neither will you! I'll get a cab."

Back to our visit. Remembering that we live in a small village in rural France and that for any serious shopping we would have to make a 1 hour journey to Montpelier, Jan's head swivels continuously as we pass each shop. If you get close you can hear her whispering oohs and aahs, clothes, spend, and other profanities. It's sad really, but also nice in some strange way. Bless!

With time to kill, we down a couple of Caipirinhas and some nibbles and then head off for the evening entertainment. We have tickets for a musical "Acorn Antiques" which we booked online a few months ago. It's a strange show, if you have not followed the television series, but we enjoy it.

Harrogate to Brighton

We leave mum in Harrogate and head south on our way to Brighton. We stop for a nice pub lunch in St Albans to meet up with some of Jan's relatives.

Back on the road, we get stuck at the latest roadworks on the M25. Great! This really is the world's longest car park.

In Brighton we pick up my No 1 son from work and later meet up with Jan's No 1 daughter and No 2 son, and have dinner at a small couscous restaurant complete with belly dancer. Great fun.

A great site for new tyres

I've found a great site for new tyres, www.blackcircles.com . We had achieved 40,000 miles on our Goodyear Wrangler F1's so decided to replace them when in the UK, and save ourselves a shedload of money. I ordered them online in France and told them that I wanted them fitting in Harrogate, England. It all worked perfectly and is highly recommended.

The rest of the day is spent shopping - AGAIN!

From France to England

We cross the channel on a huge, ex Australian navy, catamaran. Remember, I did say that this was cheap! I wondered, why the navy got rid of this boat, but hey, what do I know about these things? They had done a good job of patching all the bullet holes and it was well kitted out. The service was very good and in order to avoid redecorating their all new interior, I spent most of the short journey on the aft deck (I learn quickly don't you know) communing with the seagulls. At £50 return it is highly recommended.

The rest of the journey is uneventful (a total of 1513 kms and a driving time of 15 hrs 45 mins - you're going to be tested on this later, so pay attention.)

That night we treat ourselves to a heart stopping meal of fish and chips.

A new (cheap) experience

A new, low cost, channel service has started, called SpeedFerries www.speedferries.com . They offer £50 return crossings of the English Channel, whilst other services will charge anything up to £600 for this short journey. This makes it very expensive when calculated on a distance/speed basis and reminds me of the state owned airlines who charged fortunes for short journeys within Europe. Determined to try the new service, despite being a poor seafarer, greed wins the day. We join the A9 at Nimes, set the cruise control, and drive for 11 hours. We stop near Boulogne at a small hotel (Les 3 Fontaines in Marconne-Hesdin) with a good restaurant. Jan really knows how to pick them. We eat, drink and sleep well.

Another trip, bye bye Max

We are leaving for the UK tomorrow, to take my mother back home and also to visit all our loved ones - well, some of them. Today, therefore, is mostly taken up with mundane matters like getting the car ready and taking Max to his kennels for a brief stay. Max is definitely a pampered pooch, and I'm sure that he senses that "something's up", but then of course, something is up, so that's not so smart really.

There is much wailing and gnashing of teeth as we leave Max at his pension. He, of course, makes matters worse by giving us his best hang dog expression - "please don't leave me here so that I have to live like an ordinary dog - don't you care for me anymore?" I tell Jan to stop crying and pull herself together, in my best psychiatrist manner, and return home to find my mother equally in tears. What is it with women?

Sommieres market

This is our favourite market, the second being the indoor market in Nimes. This is a genuine French market, in a wonderful setting, in the middle of this pretty medieval town. Scenes for the film "Jean de Florette" (or was it "Manon des Sources") were shot here so you have probably already seen it without realising it.

Mum decides that she wants to eat oysters, 12 of the little critters, which are ridiculously cheap at 3.40 euros per dozen. The bars do not sell food on Saturday but helpfully provide trays so that you can buy your oysters from the stall nearby. We favour Bar Partropi today because we find a table where Jan can order the wine. If like me you can't stomach swallowing live, fishy slime, then you settle for something much more tasty cooked freshly for you from the nice man on the Lebanese (or is it Libyan) stall. Either way, everybody is happy and later we set off to buy wine in the next village, St. Christol.

This small village is quite special inasmuch as it has 3 wine producers of note. We normally favour Domaine des Hospitaliers for their oak aged Merlot, but today we are on a shopping mission for my son and mother and visit Domaine de Guinand.

With the wine bought, we head off to Nimes for a little more shopping before we wend our weary way home and a meal of crispy duck a la Jan. Yummy.

Faith restored in plumbers

The plumber arrives as promised, and by 8.30 is working under the house. He indicates that by the close of day the job will be done. He worked through lunch and by 3.00 pm the job was finished. He will return the week after next to start on all the other jobs that we have been saving up. There is just no better feeling, than when your plumbing works properly!

If anyone needs a young, conscientious plumber who also speaks English then call Emmanuel on 0466 77 80 52 and tell him that Alex recommends him.

Patience or stupidity?

I'm holding my breath. The problem with the drainage beneath the house has been ongoing for over a year now. My "regular" plumber, who is more elusive than a pork pie at a Jewish wedding, continually breaks promises to turn up. Having finally lost patience, I spoke to another plumber who said that he will arrive tomorrow, at 8.00 am, and fix the problem. Needless to say, I'm extremely curious as to whether he shows or not. You may ask why I haven't called another plumber before? Am I just very patient or just very stupid? The answer probably lies somewhere between the two, but I will admit to being very loyal. However, it does epitomise some of the frustration that many expats feel with French artisans. It appears to me that plumbers (particularly good ones) are as difficult to find in the UK as they are here in France.

Talking about my frustration with French customer service, and what set me off mentioning all this, is the difficulty I'm having in trying to buy a new monitor from a large web based computer company. The order was first placed on 14th January and at the time of writing it has still not arrived. The list of their excuses would rival those of Bill Clinton's to Hillary. But persevere I will, because a) I want the screen and b) the longer it goes on, the more determined I become to crack their non existent customer service. Watch this space.

Ikea

It's no wonder that the guy who owns Ikea is the world's richest man. We don't go that often, but when we do go, we always go with a well defined shopping list. Invariably we leave with far more than we need or anticipated. You can't help but admire his business plan.

I have visited Ikea stores in the UK, Spain and France. They are always busy and there is always a queue at the checkout. Oh for a slice of the action!

Has Spring sprung?

Whilst it is blowing a gale today, it is sunny, and out of the wind it is warm. I have just noticed a tree in blossom (don't ask - I don't know what make it is) and the fig tree is in bud and has just started sprouting leaves. Last year we had so many figs that by the end of August we were all "figged out".

A Valentines dinner tonight at Mas de Roux in Bragasargues. A set meal which was good with a reasonable wine list from local growers. We were guests of friends so did not have to pay but will definitely go back and sample it again for ourselves. It's always great when you find a new restaurant that you like.

More - getting back to normal

Its funny to think that at this time last week we were driving along the Ligurian coast. Memory is a funny thing. When Jan reminded me, I looked back at the drive with fondness but it had little relevance to my next job of cleaning the pool.

Cleaning the pool at this time of the year involves putting my arm up to the elbow into very, very cold water. Having said that, I have established a system of gloves and plastic bags that helps alleviate the pain. Having never felt the need to put anything, including my arm, into freezing water, it wasn't until I started cleaning a pool, that I understood how people who fall into a cold sea do not survive for more than a few minutes. It can really hurt.

Talking about getting into a pool, at anything short of 28 C, those bits of me that like to remain warm and cosy are not very happy, much to the hilarity of anyone within squealing distance. The realisation that I'm a wimp does nothing to stop the discomfort, so ya boo sucks to the lot of you.

England lose to France this afternoon having thrown away a good lead. I'm miserable.

Getting back to normal

Do you realise the problems that we authors have to contend with? It has taken, dear reader, several days to disentangle the notes that we have put together about our recent trip, not to mention the hours of one finger typing to post it - and do you ever write or phone? - I feel quite alone and very vulnerable - I'm not sure I like being an author.

Editors note: American readers should look for the irony in the previous paragraph, whilst English readers should stop moaning about the rain (it's England, what do you expect), and all I can say to Italian readers is, - NO, I DON'T WANT ANOTHER HELPING.

Ok, so what's normal? Normal is dealing with Max, with horrible stuff coming out of both ends, attending to mum who breaks her thumb whilst messing about with Max and finally getting off my backside to make contact with a new plumber (for those of you with long memories, no - the other one has still not shown up ).

After much sucking of air through his teeth (do all artisans go to school to learn this?) and many admonishments, as if I'd built the bloody house, we get the gory details about our drainage. Nice.

We're back to normal!