For the last two mornings Max has disappeared, on a mission, straight after his breakfast. He scrambles over a gate about 1.75 metres high and disappears for a while. It's not usually a problem because he reappears quite quickly, especially if you shout 'biscuit'. This morning was different. He was gone for some time which prompted me to put my woolly hat on, get wrapped up against the freezing wind and go look for him. Well, I found him. Stuck. Coupled with a female dog (the old village slapper who usually growls at you as you walk by) and unable to separate. It was easy to get the lead on him but, neither of us were going anywhere in a hurry, not without dragging another dog along, backwards. I felt such a prat. Standing there with my dog on a lead, stuck to another dog and unable to move backwards or forwards. Bugger! Thank god the only person that walked by was René, the local hedge expert. He suggested that I go home and leave them because they might not be free until lunchtime. He might know a lot about hedges but even I knew that this was only going to last for about 30-50 minutes. Max on the other hand, just stood there and looked calmly around as if the whole episode had nothing to do with him. I was sure he avoided catching my eye. Bloody dog. Anyway, after about 20 minutes they separated and I really had to drag him home. Surely he couldn't do it again? When I got home, I shoved him into the kennel for a bit of solitary confinement. At least he could smoke a cigarette in peace!
A couple of hours later we let him into the house. Minnie, who was delighted to see him, rolled over onto her back and started acting very playfully. He had just been unfaithful and there she was making up to him. Bloody tart. Max, on the other hand, was very up (if you'll excuse the expression) and with his ears pricked (again excuse the expression) was looking with anticipation out of the back door as he tried to open it. Horny sod!
All I need now is the stupid owner who let the dog on heat out into the village coming round demanding palimony.
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