Understanding French

When Jan and I first arrived in France we could both converse in our school French, but little more. Notwithstanding this problem, we have survived and prospered and without doubt our French has improved. What is a little scary however, is that we sometimes nod and smile sweetly when in conversation with the locals, but don't always fully understand what they are saying. I regularly hope that I haven't agreed to anything like an unnecessary use of cash or a kind offer to go to bed with some toothless old hag (I suppose I will now get hate mail from the Society for the Protection of Toothless Old Hags, who are probably called, the Society for the Protection of Dentally Challenged Elderly but Beauteously Challenged Women).

Anyway in order to survive I have adopted certain rules:

Rule 1. When you talk about spending money, adopt a negative, lost soul, I'm a foreigner and don't understand anything stance, even if you fully understand everything.

Rule 2. In conversation with a male of the opposite sexual persuasion adopt a negative, but very butch stance and make sure that you fully understand everything.

Rule 3. If stopped by the police adopt a negative, lost soul, I'm a foreigner and don't understand anything stance, but then pay the fine because you could end up in jail and have to adopt Rule 2.

Rule 4. In conversation with a beautiful woman, say yes to everything and worry about the consequences later.

There are lots of other rules but that just about covers the most important ones.