The Sportsman's Arms

There I was, being quietly self satisfied, smug almost, because I've got my spam down to a hand full each day when BAM I got 790 messages overnight yesterday and over a hundred last night. They're very busy n'est pas?

The Sportsman’s Arms, Wath-in-Nidderdale, Pateley Bridge, HG3 5PP, 01423 711306, is a great pub. Arguably the best I’ve ever eaten in (the Royal Oak in Yattendon, Berkshire, is right up there too) but they wouldn’t take a reservation.

“We opena 12 of de clock, so no problema. Coma a long.” I suspect he wasn't English. As we pulled into the car park just after 12.00, it was packed with Mercs, BMWs and the like. My face dropped because it had taken 30 minutes to get there in driving rain. I ran inside and grabbed the last table.

They serve Black Sheep Ale, the food choice is good, and they will let you taste the wine before you buy. What more could you want?

Jan’s sausage and mash, mum’s spinach stuffed chicken was perfectly cooked as was my very tender rib-eye steak. Add to this rice pudding, an outstanding summer pudding and my roasted plums with mascarpone.

All this was washed down with a Finca Antigua, 2005 Tempranillo from La Mancha.

This place needs no advertising, it’s in the middle of nowhere, it was permanently full and serves excellent food. Highly recommended.

Balls

And there were only 20 messages in the spam folder this morning. They can't have got tired already, can they?

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Do you know the medical distinction between guts and balls? Here's a handy guide.

GUTS - is arriving home late, after a night out with the boys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Hi darling, are you still cleaning or are you flying off somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late, after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

Medically speaking, there is no difference since both ultimately result in death.

***

Talking about balls.

A very small taste of fame

I've been recognised. I accompanied Jan to the optician this morning because a) she (the optician) sometimes puts drops in your eyes and you can't see anything and b) because she talks so fast that it can be very difficult to understand her. Two heads being better than one! As we sat and waited she walked in and said to me, "I recognise you. Do you blog?" Evidently she Googled a chocolate shop in Sommieres (Courtin) that I have written about and my post came up. She recognised my mug shot. 'Tis a funny old world.

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I'm beginning to miss all my spam. I get the usual few legitimate emails each morning, and that's it. The Gmail spam filter stops any stuff getting into my Outlook Express inbox which looks empty and forlorn most mornings. How I miss messages from people with names like:

Mictlantecuhtli Scarbou
Rocelle Cantu
Tanit Winebrenner
Dante R Lahe
Lilia Whang

I hope they're still writing to you!

A watershed

Cracked it. For the time being, I will get no spam into my inbox. Our old email addresses have been ditched and we now use only Gmail. Whilst we could have used Hotmail, I'm a Google fan and decided to support them instead. Having used Gmail for some time now, any spam gets caught by their excellent spam filters so there is little to do other than delete en masse. However, this is the first time in years that I won't have to deal with tons of spam and I'm already starting to miss it. Whatever you say about spam, at least they write to you regularly which is more than you can say for your kids!

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We took Max and Min to their new kennels this morning, prior to popping down to Barcelona for the weekend. I hope they behave. Within 2 minutes of meeting her, Min had pulled the Kennel Lady over whilst I had to plant my feet to keep Max in shape. She says she will take them for a walk on a lead, good luck to her!

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The journey to Barcelona was uneventful but just a little fraught because the Spanish drive very fast and up close behind you. I was travelling at the maximum speed limit in the inside lane and all manner of stuff was passing me at a much, much greater speed. I suppose that because it was a Friday evening all these guys and gals were in a hurry to get home. A bit scary nonetheless.

Waiting for the perfect man

Jan sent me this. I don't get it!

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All of a sudden The volume of spam that I receive has dropped significantly, particularly into my gmail account. It's probably because someone (who I don't believe in!) is looking after me because I'm an honest, kind and thoughtful person. (Help, I'm choking - Ed.) Or maybe a combination of Mailwasher and Gmail is finally beginning to work, but somehow I doubt it. They probably had a day off.

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The back garden is slowly taking shape, but we still need to lay a couple of tons of gravel which will mostly be used to fill in the ditches that were formed when we laid drainage. Before we can do this however, there are a few tons of logs to move so that a lorry can dump the gravel in the right place. I hope you're paying attention! Anyway, Jan and I started shifting the wood whilst constantly being interrupted by the dogs. In a game of 'I want what you've got,' they kept picking up logs and thoughtfully whacking the backs of our legs whilst chasing each other.

Is it me you're looking for?

Just to let you into a secret, it's me under there!

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I wonder if anyone else has noticed an increase in spam over the last couple of days? I wasn't in the habit of getting that much, 30 a day into one box and 40 into another, but they have both more than doubled in the last couple of days. 70 into the former and 80 into the latter so that can't be a coincidence. The former is the account that I am slowly moving away from and the latter is my gmail account where their excellent filters catch it all. The more I use it, the more I like Gmail.

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Jan and I are getting to be experts at turning weeds into 'lawn'. The rain over the last few weeks has made the weeds grow quickly and others turn green. One patch of ground, that we have so far ignored, has now been turned into a 'lawn' by chopping down the tall stuff and mowing the rest. It's easy when you know how.