Who's not bright?

Jan and I are both full of cold and not feeling too bright, so both yesterday and today were heavy going. J&H came round for dinner on Friday and then we took them to the airport today.
This is the first time that I have covered the pool for winter so on the way back from the airport I popped into a pool shop to get some floats that need to float diagonally across the pool in order to allow for expansion if any ice forms. And all I ever thought you had to do was get in and swim. Bloody pool.
Also concerned about our palm trees, we popped into Truffaut to get advice on protecting them from winter frost. What happened to planting something and then walking away from it?

***

We finished translating the last of Vincent's letters at 23.33 tonight with the last one being particularly tricky. You read the French and you understand what he is saying, but then you have to make a sensible and well constructed letter out of it. Anyway, I was pleased with the final result and I just hope Vincent is as well.

Jan de Cannes

After we had an aborted trip to the dentist (his chair had broken down) in Quissac, Vincent Coste of Domaine Costeplane popped round this morning to ask for help with the English translation on an email he is about to send out. It transpired that he has quite a few names and addresses for wine importers in the UK and he wants to mail them with an invitation to Vinopolis on 22nd January 2007. Vincent exports wine to several countries in the EU and wants to break into the tough UK market. As a little business challenge for myself I'm trying to see if I can help him.

***

Jan's art class held a vernissage at Mas de Roux tonight and several hundred people turned up. The cynic in me says that the free drinks and canapes helped but so what. As we walked into the room I heard a group of people commenting on a rather nice painting of tomatoes on the vine. Because we had only taken it the day before it wasn't included in the catalogue but the anonimity had created a little excitement. I proudly pointed to Jan as the artist. Well done 'Jan de Cannes' (her new artistic name). By the way, I'm now her manager and agent.

Salt and pepper icons

Is this the shape of the last 30 years? I first came across this style of salt and pepper pot, in the US, during the 70's. I obtained a blue painted pair for Jan in the UK in the late 90's to match her kitchen decorations, and these two beauties adorned our table in a hotel in France just the other day. A trans global cruet set that stands the test of time. Wish I'd invented them!
By the way you can see exactly what Jan has for breakfast!

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You begin to understand why the Turks may find it difficult to gain acceptance in the EU when you read this: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/6175893.stm Anyway, when I was a kid, if I remember correctly, Turkey was shown on a map as Asia Minor. Nothing too European about that. Who changed the boundaries and why wasn't I told?

***

This morning, around 30 of us met up in the village of Combas and took a 2 hour walk. Bryan, being careful not to get sued, chose a much safer route this time. Then it was back to B&G's house for mulled wine. Contrary to what we have just been experiencing in England it was a crisp, sunny day, just right for a walk. Excellent.

Saddle sore

We left Brighton yesterday at around 11.00 and headed for the Channel Tunnel. It was blowing a gale, and hell would freeze over before I would get on a boat, so we ignored our pre-booked catamaran crossing with Speed Ferries. After landing in France at 16.00 local time we decided to see if we could make the journey to Languedoc in one hop, and skip the night in a hotel. When I was younger I thought nothing of driving through the night, but I'm a little older now (you don't say - Ed.), so this was an unusual experiment. As it happens, it was quite straightforward and despite missing an important motorway interchange, which added about 1.5 hours to the journey, we arrived home at 3.00 in the morning. In order to keep alert, we both drank a few cans of Blak (Coke's new caffeine drink) which actually seemed to work. I was amazed at how fresh I felt after 15 hours in the saddle. There must be a Roy Rogers joke there somewhere?

***

The best part of today was spent unpacking, getting things back to normal in the house and picking up two rather smelly dogs. Joy.

Murasaki Cafe

Our hotel was packed with young people, presumably after their visits to various weekend Christmas parties. Over breakfast, it was noticeable how they spoke. Now I'm no snob, but frankly, it was difficult to understand them. It was Estuary/Essex English at its finest. It makes you wonder how a 'foreigner' would start to understand them. It's a bit like how we sometimes feel in Languedoc. Those that speak 'regular' French, we have no problem with, but those that speak with a strong local accent we have great difficulty with or do not understand at all. Language changes, and that's healthy, but please, gimme a chance!
After a good nights sleep it was family visits today, dishing out presents for Christmas. Jan very kindly offered to cook lunch for her daughter and the rest of the family. She still can't get away from providing for her children, even if it isn't always appreciated.

***

In the evening we saw my son James, for the last of the family contacts. Still full from from a late lunch and wanting something 'light' we ate at Murasaki, 115 Dyke Road, Brighton 01273 326231. I love Japanese food and for a change it wasn't too expensive. Recommended.

Al-Jazeera

Al-Jazeera were planning to launch an interactive service. They decided against it when they realised if they told their viewers to press the red button, half of them would blow themselves up.

***

We're both getting a bit tired and we slept heavily last night. Whilst I was in Reading meeting Cara, Jan had a girlie night with friends in Windsor. This morning we had another re-pack, loaded the car again and headed off for Brighton. Another town and another bed, the fifth this trip but we're over half way so that's good. We have three of our offspring in Brighton so it's an essential part of any visit to England. Additionally, we now have two grandchildren here as well.
Another essential for these trips is to choose the mince pies that we will take back to France. So far we have tested Duchy Originals (awful), Waitrose Deep Fill (the filling tasted as if it had been pureed), Marks and Spencer (into the taste off), Tesco Finest (too much brandy but not too bad). We still have to test Sainsburys Deep Fill and Tesco Deep Fill, last years winner. See the effort we go to to get things right (and fat - Ed.).

Cara

This morning we drove over to Windsor to see Robert Mac at Mailboxes etc. We know and love Robert well and use his business as a private mailbox particularly when we want items, ordered on the internet in France, to be either held for collection in England or forwarded to France when the business won't deliver. After using his computer to locate a wifi hotspot I finished up at cafe Nero in the Royal Station from where I am posting these words. The wonders of modern science.

***

I met Rob (not to be confused with Robert above) at his club Stoke Park (above). This is a very nice club with both indoor carpet and beautiful grass tennis courts. Historically, Rob and I have met for a curry and a few pints of Cobra on Fridays. We decided to relive this tradition today. Memories of India, The Broadway, Farnham Common, Bucks 01753 644166, is the best Indian restaurant that I have visited for a long time. We arrived at 13.30 and the place was empty (not usually a good sign) but we had the undivided attention of all the waiters and the whole kitchen. No wonder the food was good!

***

A very important part of this trip to England for me was to meet my daughter Cara, who I hadn't seen for 9 months. She was in good form, the best I have ever seen. Her life mostly revolves around her business life (she works for a large software house) and it was good to see her getting on so well. You know that she is doing well when she offers to buy dinner! My little girl, buying me dinner brought a lump to my throat. Sniff. We ate in Reading at a 'gastro pub', Bel and the Dragon, Gas Works Road, 0118 951 5790. Despite the huge number of Christmas parties the service was excellent and the food well cooked and imaginative. It was difficult to choose. Go there, you won't be disappointed.

What a lovely day. Seeing Cara after such a long time and two rather good meals.

You want to stick your finger where?

After three very enjoyable days with Jill and Harry it was time to move on. J&H are very kind hosts so the prospect of a few nights in Travelodges did not appeal too much. Anyway, there were things to do and people to see so off we went.
Later in the afternoon, as we were driving around the M25 in torrential rain, I got a call from my old friend and former partner in crime, Rob. It transpires that he was house sitting in Stoke Poges and wanted to know if we would like to stay with him. It occurred to me that a couple of nights with home comforts had to beat a Travelodge any day, so Stoke Poges it was. What a house! It was very big and very old and featured an illuminated well below a glass floored kitchen. Sorry Travelodge but this was too good to pass up. This is the life!

***

Later in the evening, a long standing dinner arrangement with Toby and Alison took us into London. T&A are old friends and very kindly invited Rob along as well. From their lovely house in W5 we headed into the West End for dinner at Hardy's, 53 Dorset Street, W1, 020 7935 5929. This is an excellent restaurant with a 'spoilt for choice' menu and an excellent wine list. Highly recommended.
Over coffee back at Chez T&A, Alison proceeded to tell us about a very unusual full body, oily, Indian massage that she had once experienced. Evidently, at the end of the massage, the masseur sent her into 'another world' by sticking his fingers in her ears. I couldn't wait to question her about this and learn more, but Toby insisted on showing us some bloody home movies. I suspect that Toby had heard enough and wanted to save Alison from further embarrassment. Given that he had been such a kind host I couldn't say anything but rest assured I'll probe further (no pun intended) mes braves. A great evening.

A day at a spa

Jan (and Jill) went off to Henlow Grange (Champneys) for a day of beauty treatments and relaxation. This was Jan's birthday present from her children from earlier in the year. If I was an unkind person, I'd say that a day was hardly sufficient, but then I'm not an unkind person, so I won't. In the meantime, Harry, very kindly drove me to Welwyn for a little Christmas shopping. This was my only real opportunity to get Jan a (very expensive and highly desirable) Christmas present without her being around. Even Harry, who hates shopping and Christmas in that order, browsed for his beloved. The shop very kindly wrapped the presents for me, at a price, so my dearest has no idea what to expect until later this month.
The girls returned home at around 17.00 and the difference was truly amazing. Well worth every penny of the £***'s they each spent, (he said sarcastically). (If you say any more you'll be a dead man - Ed.)

***

Bar and Geoff very kindly invited us all for dinner this evening. The meal was truly fabulous, they pulled out all the stops. Thank you so much B&G.

Roman remains

It has always irritated me when the first thing that an expat can say when he gets back to blighty is how he longs for a pint of beer. Well, I'm embarrassed to say that I am now that man. The pub, within walking distance of J&H's house, is a Greene King house and sells Abbott Ale. Last night, after two pints I was a happy man and walked back to J&H's for a wonderful meal of baked sea bass.

***

Today was a family visiting day so we drove to St Albans (the abbey above), Jan's home town. As we drove through the town I can't help but mention that it isn't a patch on my home town Harrogate. Jan naturally disagreed and in order to prove her point mentioned some outstanding features that St Albans has over Harrogate. I list them below, with my reply.

Jan: St Albans has Roman remains.
Alex: Harrogate has a living Roman remain in my mother.

Jan: It had the first English martyr, St Alban.
Alex: I'm an English martyr (just not yet canonised).

At this point Jan gave up because I was not taking this very seriously. However, I think I proved my point.

Lunch at the Holly Bush on the outskirts of St Albans, with Gwen, included a pint of Flowers EBA. Good beer.

More visiting in the evening at Tim and Sue's and their delightful children Emma, Jessica and Abigail with a chinese takeout. Excellent, and they're not even my family.

The colour of old urine

So there we are having dinner last night which, frankly, wasn't too bad given that we were eating in an hotel. We got to the pudding wine, which Jan didn't like too much. She described it as, "the colour of old urine." Now forgive me, but I'm much too gentile to describe the colour of antique piss over dinner.

***

Driving the final leg from Reims to Calais we needed to stop. On the CD player, Annie Lennox was singing 'Sweet Dreams' when we stopped at the next service area. As we walked into the lobby for our pitstop, what should be playing over the tannoy but Annie Lennox and 'Sweet Dreams' at exactly the same spot as we'd left it in the car? Weird or what?

***

Being something of a mystic, Jan changed our booking on Speed Ferries' catamaran to the Eurotunnel train a couple of days ago. She was so spot on. It was blowing a gale in the Channel and sea crossings were described as 'very rough'. I'm a poor matelot at the best of times and the switching of transport was just what this matelot needed. Thank you so much my mystic honey.

A caravan to Reims

I have to declare an interest. I don’t like caravans. Why would anyone want to drive at 50 mph all over the countryside, sleep in some makeshift bed, empty the effluent out of their own toilet and pay a lot of money for the privilege? There must be some perverse pleasure that I haven’t quite cottoned on to. Anyway, there we are driving up the A31 on our way to Reims when I saw something that really puzzled me. It was a Porsche Cayenne pulling quite a small caravan. It occurs to me that anyone who can afford a Porsche Cayenne has a bob or two. Anyone with a bob or two can afford to stay in a nice hotel of which there are hundreds around here. So what is he doing? Margaret Beckett, the UK Foreign Secretary, likes caravans and as a result causes the Secret Service a nightmare when it comes to protecting her. In my view, if she likes caravans, she is a legitimate terrorist target and, the sooner the better. (What you don’t understand is that the guy pulling the caravan is now broke because he bought the Porsche – Ed.)

***

Travelling north on the A26 on Sunday lunchtime you’d be forgiven for thinking that the world had come to an end and that you were the only people left on earth. When you add mile upon mile of boring, flat, farmland that must take weeks to cultivate then you could also be forgiven for falling asleep. Add caravans to this mix and you have very dangerous territory. Beware!

***

Every single time that we have driven up through France we said that we wanted to stop and take a look at Reims and, in particular, the cathedral. Well, today was the day. The frontage (above) is quite spectacular and is being cleaned but it does nothing to prepare you for the splendour and majesty of the building within. Historically the cathedral is very important insofar as every French king (bar two) have been crowned in Reims. The first crowned king was Pippin the Short (just had to mention that), and the first king to be crowned at Reims was his grandson, Louis the Pious in 816 AD. (OK, thanks, that enough of copying out of the history books – Ed.)

It was very cold, wet and windy when we left the church but, as an added bonus, we stumbled across a very jolly Christmas market nearby. I'm getting into the Christmas spirit!

Mug a child for Christmas

Good grief, we got away at midday! After dropping the dogs at Olivier’s and after having to give Jan a corrective interview after she tried to pack 10 days worth of clothes into 2 small overnight bags, we set off. We didn’t intend to drive too far today because, for once, we intended to visit places on route instead of making it the usual long, boring and tiring grind to the Channel.

There were several things of note travelling north on the A7, first the huge number of Spanish registered cars with skis on top, presumably travelling to the Alps. I know that there isn't too much snow in the Alps because of the very warm autumn we have all been experiencing. In Cortina (1224 m) midday temperatures are 15C, which is normal for May. It was also forecast that this could be the start of the end of European skiing below 2000 m. In addition to the Spaniards, there were also lots of Italian camper vans travelling in convoy. And, something that I’d never seen before (you definitely need to get out more – Ed.), overhead motorway signs displaying your car registration number and telling you to slow down if you were speeding. I’d be interested to know whether these cars got booked. How very civilised, to warn you without booking you.

The hotel (Mercure at Chalon-sur-Saone) was fine and we couldn’t quite figure out why, but it was full of kids. Something to do with Christmas I think. I like hearing kids enjoy themselves but as long as they behave. This lot were not very well behaved but they didn’t stop us enjoying ourselves. But then we’re old hands, don’t forget we have Max and Min!

In charge of bullshit

A couple of months back I promised to help Vincent Coste (above with his family) of Domaine Costeplane at a wine fair in London. He turned up this morning to say that he now has the dates. He, with others, will be showing their wines at Vinopolis in London on Monday 22nd January 2007. He will be the wine expert and I will be in charge of bullshit (at last you have found your calling - Ed.).

***

Vincent D also turned up as agreed this morning to finish filling trenches, putting in a new land drain and levelling. Vincent likes a drink and last night I went glass for glass with him. Mistake!

***

Apart from a visit to the dentist to fix a broken tooth, an appointment that I had to wait three weeks for, a lot of time was spent this afternoon getting ready for a drive to England to deliver some wine left here by friends, see family and to buy our Christmas goodies. Hopefully we will leave at about midday. We shall see.