More good news ish

Another excellent sea crossing. Hopefully I've now cracked my seasickness. The downside is the effect the Mercalm has on me. It makes me quite sleepy. So, no seasickness, but kill yourself falling asleep at the wheel. This needs more work. Mmnnn.
As usual, the roads in northern France are a delight, with only a fraction of the traffic of the motorways in the UK. We made it to Rheims for something to eat and a night's sleep.
What is it about the Gallic shrug that really pisses me off? Really nicely, I asked the woman who owns the hotel, if I can have another pillow in the bedroom. She says there's one in the room. I say I know, again really nicely, but there are two of us so could I have another pillow, please? She made a sort of snorting noise, invoked the Gallic shrug, and trounced off to find us another pillow. When she found it, she dropped it on a chair in the entrance hall for us to pick up on the way to our room, without saying anything or any other acknowledgement. I was tired, it was 21.30 and in no mood to walk out, which I would have done in days gone by, plus she had our credit card number and would have charged for the room anyway. She ran the joint, there was no one else to complain to, so I was forced to just ignored her rudeness. If you ever have a choice, do not stay at the Campanile - La Neuvillette, north of Rheims run by Joelle and Franck Born.

Normal service will be resumed

We leave Brighton early (dare I say for some last minute fresh food shopping) and head towards Dover. Normal service will be resumed in a couple of days.

Good luck

We managed to find some on street parking again last night which is pretty lucky. It means that I don't have to get up too early to move the car. That's the first bit of good luck. The second bit of luck is that we had decided not to leave today, because it's blowing a gale and the crossing would have been very rough. The forecast is better tomorrow, ish. The third bit of good luck is we were late to move the car and had not received a ticket.

***

Today was a total chill day, dedicated to us. We read a lot and walked around town. It's half term and all the kids are off school so the place is chaotic. Bum. Not as peaceful as we would have liked but maybe our run of good luck had come to an end.

***

For our last night before heading back to France, Rebecca invites us (me, Jan, Josh and James) for a take out meal at their house. As we approach the car, one hour after it should have been moved, a warden is giving a ticket to the car next to us. As we were next in line he said, "You were lucky." I was suitably obsequious. The fourth and final piece of luck. Maybe Brighton isn't so bad after all.

Toys R Us

Another great night's sleep. I suspect that the 'little one' wore us out yesterday. Being gluttons for punishment, we arrange to take her out for the afternoon today, whilst her parents do their thing. It's pouring with rain, so we hot foot to an indoor play complex. There was nothing like this when I was a child. We had to make do with the great outdoors, our imaginations and like minded friends. This place is huge, with exciting things to climb and play on, all in padded safety, a bit like a huge padded lunatic cell. The noise level was unfortunately a little like sitting in an aircraft hanger whilst they test the engines. A bit over the top, but hey, what are grandparents for if not to put up with this rubbish? Maisie was great, I stuffed her with chocolate (I know, I'm not a responsible gp), but we handed her back shortly after, and her parents can deal with the fall out. And so on to our next stop, Toys R Us, for a little more spoiling. That's what being a grandparent is all about.
(Hmnnn, we need to chat - Ed.)

***

James is nothing if not competitive, so Jan and I get roped into a pub quiz tonight, but before we go, we get to tick off the last of our 'must do' meals, an Indian curry. The Bay Leaf, 104 Western Road, Brighton, 01273 773804, fills that spot beautifully. Service was a little slow, but the food was good and a little above the norm for an Indian restaurant. Recommended.
The quiz was held at the Lion and Lobster pub nearby. We joined a team of, mostly, lecturers from Sussex University. Question - how many Doctors does it take to win a pub quiz? Answer - a lot more than we had. We came fifth!
In the good old days I used to enjoy visiting pubs but nowadays I find the noise and, more importantly, the smoke gets to me and I hate my clothes and hair smelling of stale cigarette smoke. (All you ex smokers are the same - Ed.)

Brighton

James very kindly offered us his bed last night, and we both slept well for the first time in a week. It was great, thank you, James.

Apart from the opportunity to catch up with our elderly, and not so elderly, kith and kin, the highlight of our trip will be to see Maisie, our grandaughter, so we pop over to Hove to meet up with Rebecca, Jan's daughter, and Trevor, Maisie's parents. The little angel is in good form and quickly settles down, after the usual bribes are offered. We play with her for hours and she is a delight, but the great thing about being a grandparent is that you can leave the little angels at the end of the day. Rebecca produces an excellent Sunday roast lunch, beef, potatoes, roast veg and Yorkshire Puddings, followed by a plum and apple crumble. Seriously good Sunday fare that has evaded Jan and I for a long time. And still no alcohol! You've gotta be impressed.

St Albans to Brighton via London

We leave St Albans late morning and head for central London to meet up with Cara, my daughter and Luke (together with Lydia), Jan's youngest son. Cara has booked for us to eat lunch at Yauatcha in Soho. Excellent chinese food in a very modern setting. The dim sum was excellent, so much so that we asked if we could have the table for longer (they usually only have one and a half hour sittings) then took the menu again and ordered a whole lot more food. Highly recommended.

***

London still has a huge buzz for us both and the streets are teeming with people. At times a few too many for us simple country folk! Jan still has enough energy for more retail therapy so we hit Muji, a great store where Jan buys lots of small Christmas presents, Mac, and John Lewis again before we get into the car for the drive south, through London, to Brighton (our fourth bed). The drive was slow and stressful and we eventually arrived at 20.30. Not knowing what we had already eaten, James (my son with whom we are staying) booked us into a Thai restaurant, er yum. Having said that we ate well.

I'm not too sure what I feel about Brighton. If the yobbish behaviour that we saw, as we walked to the restaurant, is anything to go by, then it is difficult to think very highly. It is without doubt an attractive town and there are lots of good things to see but at the same time it makes me feel uneasy especially as we walk downtown. As Jan pointed out, it is probably no different to many town centres around the country, but that only hightens my dismay. Anyway we left the revellers to it and beat a hasty retreat to bed.

St Albans

After a lazy start, we head off to Welwyn Garden City where they have a very good John Lewis department store. JL is our must-visit shop on any trip to the UK. There is no store like it in our part of the world and JL, Welwyn, is a particularly good one. A huge range of quality goods, attractively presented, and all at a good price. We shop til we drop.

(All you can talk about is bloody shopping. Get a life. Ed.)

***

Over to Tim and Sue's for a take out Chinese dinner, which is another of the must-have meals we can tick off (an Indian curry is still to be had). Still no alcohol, but I think that I'm starting to look ill!

Harrogate to St Albans

Before we leave Harrogate, Jan manages to squeeze in a 3 hour hair do. No different to what she has done in France, except France is a third of the price. But what do I know? Mum puts on the perfect farewell lunch, smoked trout, parma ham, pickles etc., before we wend our way south, down the M1, to St Albans, Jan's home town. Just above Leicester there are roadworks and it's the only time that I have ever witnessed cars travelling at exactly the mandatory speed of 40 mph. If you look carefully at the warnings they tell you that your average speed will be measured. Cameras note your number plate at the begining of the works and again at the end. If you exceed the average of 40 mph through the roadworks you get a ticket. Clever or what? It certainly kept the traffic under control and it really works. In fact it is very difficult to keep your speed down and I bet lots of cars get booked.

***

We hit St Albans where Gwen, Jan's mother in law from her previous marriage (her husband Garth died very young), makes steak and kidney pie, yum, good old fashioned English grub. Unfortunately, we now have to endure the third and smallest bed of the trip, smaller even than a standard double. What with the dip in the middle, I find myself hanging on to the side so as not to roll towards the middle and disturb Jan. I needn't have bothered, because Jan can't sleep either, so we read lots and doze fitfully. Not my idea of fun and it's at times like this, that you long for your own bed.

Harrogate

Harrogate is such a nice town. Surrounded by 'the Stray', 200 acres of grass and trees, it oozes refined, gentile life. At first glance, there must be more BMWs per square inch than anywhere that you can think of. When I was 18 years old, and impatient to get on with my life, I couldn't wait to get out of Harrogate. When I hit 40, I started to look at it with older, wiser eyes and it became the sort of place that I could seriously think of retiring to.
The shops are great and the first port of call everytime for Jan is Lakeland, a shop full to the brim with new kitchen ideas and interesting gifts. We generally shop to find out what we need, so M&S is also on the trail followed by Boots, Superdrug et al.
One of the 'fixes' that we need when we visit the UK is a Thai meal so that's where we head for dinner. Even mum, who doesn't like spicy food, enjoyed it. Lots of retail therapy and a nice dinner. A good day!

Laon to Harrogate

Given that the hotel is on the 'holiday' route between the channel ports and the south of France, it should have been no surprise that we would meet someone we know. But surprised we were because we meet the estate agents, who are selling our gite, at breakfast. I resist the urge to ask them why they are not at home pushing our property and waved a cheery goodbye as we headed north and they headed south.

***

Whilst we are still 2 hours away from Boulogne, the fact that it is windy should not have bothered me too much, but the truth is I'm not looking forward to the channel crossing. Passing through a peage as we come off the motorway, I noticed several policemen standing shivering in the strong cold wind (it was 8c and the coldest we'd experienced so far this year was 16c) by the side of the toll booths (this is an excellent place to stop and examine any suspicious cars as they pass through). This not only reminds me that the crossing might be rough but also that we haven't packed any overcoats. Bum.

***

In order to keep myself amused whilst Jan dozes and I drive, I play little games. Games, like seeing how far I can get without the tank running dry, or estimating the speed of an overtaking car and then seeing if I can overtake the car in front without braking. Just fun really, but sometimes a little unnerving for Jan. Anyway, after one slightly close encounter, Jan said "You're playing games with yourself again", to which I replied, "at least it's a playing with yourself game that's not frowned upon by the Catholic Church!"

***

We arive at Boulogne after 1101 kilometres and 11 hours 55 minutes of actual driving. (I suppose that's an interesting nugget for someone. Ed.) Having stuffed myself with Mercalm, we took advice and sat in the centre of the catamaran on the lowest deck, and given that the sea was very calm, we had an outstandingly smooth crossing. Just excellent. At 50 minutes, with a free ticket, this is the way to travel! What more could you want? I'm a sailor!

***

The roads in England are busy. Very busy, and a lot different to the north of France, but we arrive safely in Harrogate after 1545 kms and 16 hours and 47 minutes driving. Like every good Italian Mamma, mum has prepared pasta with a rich tomato sauce followed by salad and the meat that was cooked in the sauce. Yum. She has also found a very meaty Chilean rosé to wash it all down, but, of course, I didn't have any.

Home to Rheims

Onto the A9 at 10.00 am, set the cruise control to 2500 revs (this only produces 70 mph but it's the best compromise between speed and deisel consumption) and let the miles go by.
The countryside around our house is permanently green, mainly because of the scrub oak and pine trees, so we really appreciate the yellows, reds and golds of the broad leaf trees as we travel up the Rhone valley. We are heading for Pellusin, which is high up on the edge of the Massif Central, to view the latest litter at Murier de Sordeille. Needless to say the puppies are gorgeous and there are lots of oohs and aahs as Jan picks them up. We also get to see Max's mother Silk, who gives us a bit of a shock because facially she looks just like Max. (What were you expecting that she'd look like? Ed.)

***

We aimed for Rheims, as our first stop for the night, only to find that there was no room at the Inn. This type of unplanned behaviour is unusual for an anal me, inasmuch as I would have had all the hotels booked in advance, but Jan is much more relaxed and is happy to go with the flow and to that extent, it makes for much more "interesting" journeys. But hey, no problem, we head futher north and stay at an old favourite in Laon. The restaurant is quite good and offers good value. Despite the fact that I'm in holiday mood, I requested green beans with my steak instead of chips. Who's a good boy then?

Home to the middle of France

We leave today for the UK, and the first stop is Max's breeders Corinne and Guy Bonnefoy. Unfortunately, until we get to our first base in a few days time, I will not be able to access the internet. Details of life on the road to follow soon.

St Alex of Cannes

Well, now I know what it's like - existing on a Life Support Machine. You're lying there, glad to be alive, but it's not exactly a whole lot of fun. I don't want you to think that I'm getting obsessive about this, but at midnight tonight, at the end of my third day, there will be 35 days, 14 hours and 20 minutes, before I will have completed my pledge not to drink before the next meeting with my nutritionist. Which also reminds me, that I will need to clear a couple of days after the meeting because the hangover will last at least that long. As I said, I'm not obsessive, but you will notice, that what I thought was a month, is in fact somewhat longer. She's nothing if not sneaky, the lovely Doctor and I should have paid more attention.

***

Today was all about getting ready for tomorrow's trip. Tidying the garden, checking the car over and packing. This afternoon, we took a reluctant Max to his pension, in St Mamert du Gard, and left him in the capable hands of Olivier, his trainer. The house is always quiet without him and you tend to miss a 40 kilo dog trying to sit on your knee. Hey ho.

***

Will cheers me up no end by mentioning that the nightly trips to the toilet might be a sign of prostate problems. Don't you think I've got enogh on plate at the moment? By the way, now that he's broken cover, Will's the one who very wisely chooses the month of February to abstain each year. February, because it has the shortest number of days! Nice one, Will.

Matters medical

Now there's nothing I like more than pondering over medical mysteries. Today's mystery goes like this. I have, of late, been waking a few times in the night to go to the toilet. (Do we really need to know this? - Ed.) I put this down mostly to the wine that I have with dinner. It's liquid and has a diuretic effect. This I understand. So how come, following my pact with the good doctor yesterday, I have nothing to drink at all during the late afternoon or evening but I still have the same nocturnal journeys? This needs some serious consideration n'est ce pas? I may have stumbled upon some new and unexplained problem, new to science. What do you think?
(I think you're an incontinent prat - Ed.)

***

It rained this morning, so two of the day's planned forays were cancelled, but there are still two to go, so read on.

It must be a sign of age, or something, that makes Jan decide to enter 3 pots of jam into our village competition, the Premier Concours de Carthagenes et de Confiture. I'd always seen her in a WI (Women's Institute) kind of way, and now she's proved my point. After much deliberation, nothing if not thorough our Jan, she enters an apricot, brugnon (nectarine) and lemon curd (my favourite) but we rejected the fig jam, which she made last year. There is also a competition for cartagene, which would be fun to judge. I would love to be on the judging panel, giving it a kind of international flavour. The new sober me would, of course, have to refuse but they'll have another competition next year, so here's hoping. As a matter of public duty, the new sober me must also point out the dangers of excessive drinking.
L'abus d'alcool est dangereux pour la santé. A consommer avec modération.
(I should have said, incontinent sanctimonious, prat - Ed.)

***

We popped down to the village hall at 18.00 for the results of the Belote tournament, and the cartagene and jam competitions. We're not too sure about the card game Belote, the village drunk won the cartagene competition (he's had more practice than anyone else) and Christine, the mayor's wife, won the jam making competition with a cherry jam. Jan came fourth with her lemon curd which was the only jam that was completely finished when the public were allowed to try them all. These village get togethers are great fun and we enjoy participating. Jan even gets kissed by the village drunk now (they're sort of kindred spirits) and at each successive event, we feel more part of the community.

***

Dinner at Le Fourmeau tonight and very good it was too. Everyone really enjoyed their meal. The food just gets better and better and always with reasonably priced wines. At ten minutes from the house, it's our restaurant of choice. And yes, not a drop passed my lips. Strange, but true.